Draco Malfoy and the Alchemists' Light
by Faba
Summary: Draco Malfoy is faced with peril as he comes to one of the most important decisions of his life: kill Albus Dumbledore and be forever held in high regards by the dark side of the wizarding world, or run away and risk losing everything, including his life.
1. Draco's Lament

I was always been the sort of "king" of the Slytherin house, I guess. It's what most expected. I was popular, a complete jerk, and on top of that, completely full of shit half the time, so it's like I was the perfect Slytherin that everyone should emulate and follow.

To clarify, I was stupidly ignorant.

For awhile, I was fine with this. I had friends, Slytherin girls all over me, and a couple of idiots that followed me around and did whatever I wanted; Crabbe and Goyle. I ruled my house, Potter ruled his, and we clashed a few times, sure, but it was never all that bad of a clash. Or maybe it was. It didn't matter to me all that much after it was over.

You see, like I said, for awhile, everything was pretty smashing and "wonderful" at school. Or so I thought. Because you see, in the middle of my third year, I started having weird thoughts. They flickered in and out, but never stayed for long. I was afraid to think them, so I denied it outright and told myself I never thought them. Not at all. And I tried to ignore them when they came, push them away.

But thoughts such as these are hard to ignore. They came back, and worsened in my later years.

I had thoughts of my home, of my father, my mother. I got scared. Terrified. I remembered all the times I was yelled at, I thought of all the things I was taught about the world. Mudbloods, the Potter family, our Dark Lord. . . . And then I started thinking the most bizarre of all: maybe all of this wasn't who I wanted to be?

I had a lot of pressure to deal with. My family, and what was expected of me. It wasn't until I was told that I had to kill Dumbledore that I almost broke. I wanted to make my father proud; I loved him. I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to look at me and not see the useless brat that he thought I was. But thinking of killing was hard. I had a lot of pent up anger, a lot of aggression and sadness, but I didn't think I could actually kill a person.

What's more, I was weak and pathetic.

Deep within me, I was hurting. I'd never had a real family or real friends. I believed my mother loved me, sure, but if she'd really loved me, she would've told my father enough was enough. No more yelling, no more talk of how I wasn't good enough to be his son. She would've told him that he couldn't talk to me in such a way. I understand that she was scared, too, but I would've thought she loved me more than she was afraid of him. I would've thought that after so many years, she would've been able to learn to put some warmth into her eyes when she saw him yelling, maybe tell me that it was going to be alright and that he was wrong. Never such words. "I love you", she would say. But never any encouragement against my father or disagreement. Never.

I started to despise my life, my world, my friends, Hogwarts, my parents, everything.

And I was at this point I was laid out a decision:

Kill.

Or run.


	2. The Lucky Vial

When I was given the very important job of killing Dumbledore, I didn't expect the amount of stress that would come along with it. I had to devise a way to get Death Eaters into the castle, I had to make sure that no one suspected anything, I had to shove Potter's huge nose out of my business, and all the while keep a calm presence in front of my peers.

I remembered the Vanishing Cabinents right before school started, and how they created a special link between each other. After that I knew I had found a way to allow the Death Eaters into Hogwarts. The pressure didn't let up, though. I had to fix one of the cabinets and spent a lot of time in the Room of Requirement. I also kept thinking of how I would kill Dumbledore, when, where, if all of the Death Eaters would be there to watch. It was a large burden on my mind, and people began to notice how I looked like I never got any sleep anymore, how I always had bags under my eyes.

I tried several things to weaken, or, if I was lucky, outright kill Dumbledore, but the hexes, the poison, all of them always got off course. The cursed necklace I gave to Katie Bell didn't even make it into the castle, and Potter's stupid friend drank the poisoned mead. Nothing was working.

It wasn't long before I started thinking about giving up and running away. I started questioning whether it was worth it anymore, and if I wanted what my father wanted. Part of me had always yearned to defy him, tell him no, but my want to make him proud had always overpowered it. Well, it was then that I decided I didn't want to make him proud anymore. I was going to do what I wanted. And he couldn't stop me anyway; he was in Azkaban. In jail for being a Death Eater.

I started planning my escape, then, instead of the Death Eater's entrance. I didn't think it would be too hard. I just had to get my broom, a small bag filled with essentials, and leave. It seemed easy, simple.

The day before I left, all of Hogwarts was in a continual whisper. Katie Bell had just returned from the hospital wing and I felt Harry Potter eyes on me wherever I went. He suspected something.

I was pacing through the hallway, running my hand over my hair, slicked back as usual. Crabbe and Goyle were sauntering after me for awhile, then decided just to sit down and stop trying to keep up with me. I didn't mind; in fact, it was less annoying then them pacing with me.

"Crabbe, Goyle, what do you figure all the fuss is about?" I asked, trying to calm my nerves.

Crabbe looked uneasy. "Draco . . . you know."

I grunted, aggrivated. "Idiot! Of course I know! Do I look stupid to you?"

Crabbe's brow furrowed, but he didn't say anything else.

"What about you, Goyle? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I can't handle anything by myself?" There was a beetle crawling on the floor in front of me; out of anger I stomped on it. "Do you think I'm some weak little shit that can't do anything right? Huh?"

Goyle and Crabbe exchanged glances with eachother. "Malfoy, d'you need to sit down?"

"No, I do not need to sit down and I don't need you asking me dumb questions! I'm fine!" My head was full to bursting, aching with pain from a bad headache. My stomach was lurching, my eye twitching. I felt like exploding. Or maybe just screaming a bit.

Crabbe and Goyle were silent again, but exchanged small glances once more. I found it infuriating when they kept their comments to themselves, but I doubted the teachers would let me off on a warning if I accidentily imploded their brains with magic.

I was disgusted with them, so I left without a word, and just continued walking from where I was already pacing. Faintly behind me, I heard one of the thick-minded idiots say, "See ya, Malfoy. . . ." Too lazy to get up, the good-for-nothings.

By then, of course, I'd figured I _wouldn't_ see them again. I wouldn't likely see much of anybody again. Including hopefully Potter and his ragtag gang of cretins.

My fast-paced walking took me in the direction of the study hall. Without thinking, I walked in, still foggy-headed and upset. The first thing I saw was Katie Bell standing not ten feet away. The second thing I saw was Potter, talking to her. Katie shook her head, then a few moments later, Potter's head slowly turned in my direction. We locked gazes, and my face dropped. He looked suspicious and my paranoia flared up. I looked around nervously, then left the room again, hoping Harry wouldn't follow me.

I took off at a slight run to the nearest boy's lavatory. It was one of the larger ones, filled with several long rows of stalls. I wasted no time and made my way to the sink and splashed water on my face. It felt good on my burning face, although I still felt like I was going to be sick. I took more water and wet my hair, ruffling it. Then, I couldn't help myself; shaking, I let out a sob. I started crying. I felt like I was finally losing my mind.

"I know what you did, Malfoy."

I looked up. Directly behind me was Potter, looking angry. I instinctively felt my face tense up. Infuriated, I turned around.

"You hexed Katie, didn't you?"

I grimaced, then lifted my wand and threw a silent hex at Harry. He dodged, it exploded a sink near the doorway, and then he rebounded with a levicorpus spell. It hit me and I grunted, but I recovered pretty quickly before he had the chance to cast another spell.

My stomach still churning, I ran in between one row of stalls. I couldn't hear very well because of the water, but I could still vaguely hear Potter's footsteps. I ducked down to try and see him through the bottom of the stalls. I saw his feet pause right across from where I was, and then he ducked down. Quickly, right as he saw me, I cast a spell at him. He avoided it again, though, and it hit a water pipe. The sound of water gushing got louder, and I yelled out in frusteration, coming out from behind the stalls.

For a long moment, we stared at each other, gripping our wands until our knuckles were white. Potter's eyes burned into mine and I felt my anger building until I couldn't take it anymore.

I lifted my wand, determination clouding my head. "Cruci—"

Harry lifted his quicker. "Sectumsempra!" he yelled, and I fell down, water sloshing around me.

I'd never heard of the curse before, but it was the worst pain I'd ever been in in my life. So much pressure was on me that I couldn't breath, my insides were burning, and I felt like my skin was being ripped off of my body. My vision was wavering and I couldn't even move to look at Harry or say anything. All I could do was lay there and gasp. I thought I was dying. And I probably was; around me I saw blood flow through the water.

It wasn't but a minute or two later that Professor Snape found us. And I'd never been so thankful. For a moment, all he did was look at Potter. Then, he came to me and started muttering under his breath, just as my vision was going black.

As Snape was healing me, I heard some sloshing footsteps, and I knew Potter had left. I wanted nothing more than to follow him and yell some more curses, but I still couldn't move, and was still in a lot of pain.

Being healed took a lot of the pain away, but I still had trouble moving when Snape was done. Nevertheless, I was up, soon, groaning and fighting to get to the door. Snape held me fast before I could leave.

"Draco, I wouldn't think that's a good idea. Whatever you're about to do." His eyes narrowed menacingly.

I wanted to say something. I really did. And I wanted it to be so significant that Serverus Snape never questioned my reasoning again. So that he would trust that I was right and that I knew what I was doing. So that maybe he'd stop patronizing me. But I didn't, because, after all, he had just saved my life. The one that Potter had almost destroyed.

Instead, I said, "Did you see what he just did to me?" My voice was high and scratchy from fear. My heart was pounding.

"Yes, and if you have any sense you will be smart not to mention it."

I felt my face tighten. "Alright then." I turned my head away, silently fuming.

Behind me, Snape said, "Argus Filch, please escort Mr. Malfoy to his dormitories so that he doesn't try anything completely stupid."

I gave Snape one last glare, and stormed out of the lavatory, Filch following suit. Something in me told me that Snape was suspecting of my plan, but, then again, I was probably just being paranoid again. No one knew what I was going to do that night. And it had to be that night, too, because it was the night that the death eaters were meant to be arriving. I was leaving at last minute, admittedly, but I felt hopeful. After all, I had broken into Professor Slughorn's office earlier that week and found the potion ingredients for Felix Felicis. Better known as Liquid Luck. In my pocket, the little vial jiggled merrily, and I couldn't help but grin darkly.

* * *

**Author's Note: **:) I hope you liked the chapter. I worked really hard on it (most of the day) and I even had to watch the 6th Harry Potter movies to make sure I got some things right. I even forgot that Draco's father was in Azkaban at the time and I glad I caught some stuff like that.

Anyway, please read and review. Thanks so much. :)


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